


ANOTHER TOP 10 REASONS I SHOULDN'T EXIST

by avocadophobic



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: AOILGHADLNVLADNVBALNBADB, Food Porn, HE, I WANT TO DIEEEEEEEEEE, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hate myself, LITERALLY, Other, Sex Toys, Soup, WHY AM I FUCKING LIKE THIS, fucks, hand reach emoji, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, himself, i hate myself so much, i hate you all @ epithet erased discord, ice lolly, lolly - Freeform, please read if you hate yourself! just like i do, popsicle stick, the, with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:29:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avocadophobic/pseuds/avocadophobic
Summary: Giovanni gets dirty with a motherfucking soup flavored popsicle
Relationships: Giovanni Potage/Soup Popsicle
Comments: 44
Kudos: 35





	ANOTHER TOP 10 REASONS I SHOULDN'T EXIST

Giovanni opened the freezer, in deep need of anything sweet to soothe his midnight blues. Oh. . . what was that? He cocked up a pink eyebrow, pulling out an ice lolly mound. Huh. Mom must have left it here before she left. She had been out of town for some stupid ‘YOGA MEET’. Dumbass! He looked at the ice lolly, shutting the freezer closed. Man he. . . he had this. . . really dumb idea. Nah, it’s stupid. But. . . fuck! Curiosity killed the Giovanni! He procured a bit of soup from his hand, letting it drip into the ice lolly mould, before cautiously keeping it back in the freezer, snickering to himself while doing so.

Yeah. No mom to stop him from putting soup lollies in the freezer.

He proudly waited for the soup lolly to solidify, smirking to himself in an act of pride. THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY THIS COULD BACKFIRE.

Giovanni casually sat back on the couch, before the timer of his phone rang off. He flinched, scrambling to grab it, then sighed as he set it off. Time for the soup lollies. Absolutely no fucking way this would go wrong. ABSOLUTELY. NONE.

He opened the fridge, nonchalantly taking out the ice lolly mould, and popping out the soup lolly. 

It was so. . . wet. The way small shards of ice formed onto the frozen soup, the way small drops of the tomato flavored liquid dripped down, dropping onto his pale twink hands, he was so. . . he was so enticed. Per say, he was. . . he was horny at the sight of it.

NO! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, GIOVANNI?!

He reminded himself, holding the sexy soup lolly in front of his face.

“. . .” Giovanni kept silent, taking a lick of it.

It tasted good.

So good. . .

He wanted to. . .

GIOVANNI WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT.

He took a deep breath, quietly pulling down his pants and boxers. This would be quick. Quick, and then he’d go to sleep. Jeez, it was 3 AM, what was he up to? Giovanni bit his lower lip, falling to his knees as he slowly inserted the soup lolly inside his ass.

The soup lolly was pretty lubricated. It slid in pretty slick, although a small amount of pain still seared through his thin body, as he let out a trembling moan, collapsing onto the floor, ass in the air, soup lolly inserted into it.

It felt so good, so so good. He could stay like this forever. The stark contrast of the cold lolly in his warm ass, it was refreshing, a beautiful feeling, a dualism he was sure he could never replicate again. . .

His shaking arm reached out to grab the stick of the soup lolly, letting out moans of pure bliss as he began to thrust it into his ass. He could feel the soup lolly melting, but he used his epithet to keep it cool, to keep it ice cold, just like he liked it.

“Ah. . . anngnh. . . fUck. . .!” Giovanni dug his head in his arms, his ass high up in the air, the cold air of his AC hitting it, as well as the freezing soup lolly deep inside of him. 

It was like a dildo.

But better.

Giovanni could do this every nice, just him, and the soup lolly.

It was perfect, it felt perfect. It fit inside him perfectly, absolutely perfect.

They were meant for each other.

It was like the popsicle was made just for his ass, a key, and his entrance was the keyhole.

Maybe he’d trade out sex with Crusher for this bad boy. . .

Oh, now that he thought about it, double penetration was pretty enticing. . .

Giovanni’s head was thrown up in the air. He hit his prostate, the soup lolly pressing against the soft spot, before ramming into it. His moans went an octave higher, and he felt his erection pressing against the freezing floor.

“AAH. . .! AAAAGH! HNNN. . . OH YEAH, AAAAAGH! AHH. . . HNNN. . .” He yelled, yelled, and yelled. So much went on in his brain, it was like he was going through overdrive. He turned over, his legs spread wide apart, as he continued to plough himself with the freezing soup lolly.

Giovanni threw his head back in pleasure, his composure lost to the dessert-

Oh.

He. . . forgot to.

He felt the soup lolly melting in his ass, turning hot and continuing to stimulate his prostate. 

“Haah. . . hnn. . . oh. . . oh!”

Giovanni widened the girth between his legs again, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, and his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Oh. . . it felt so good.

After a while of just sitting there, basking in the pleasure, he felt the soup slowly grow more cold in his ass. Yeah, he needed to get up. He got to his knees, feeling it drip down, leaking out of his ass and patter pit pat all on the floor.

Painfully standing up, he grabbed his ass. Man, he fucked it hard, he really did. He slapped it once, letting the last of the soup slip out, remnants of his past mistakes. 

Giovanni looked at the soup on the floor in UTTER AND PURE REGRET.

Oh god what has he done.

He quickly pulled up his pants and boxers, his face flushed red, and he dropped the popsicle stick on the ground, rushing to grab his phone.

Typing in familiar digits, he raised it, pressing it against his ear and speaking into it.

“. . .Hey, Crusher?”

“Umm. . . I have an idea.”

After a while of talking on the phone with his boyfriend, he grabbed a bunch of tissues, getting back on his knees to wipe off the soup, to make sure his ass soup didn’t stain the floor.

Giovanni decided that every night after that, every night he spent alone. . . he’d spend it with his best friend. His. . . sexual comrade. The soup lolly. The dreaded tomato flavored popsicle, the hottest cold delicacy he’s ever seen. Oh, how he craved it even now, right after he just fucked his twink ass with it.

Giovanni couldn't wait. He absolutely couldn't. It was going to be _great._

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DO YOU HATE ME, GOD


End file.
